The distance from zero to one is a huge measurement. I’m not talking about metric … I’m talking about the distance from trusting someone to not. From placing unconditional trust…to that person doing ONE thing. Then the trust is gone. The distance from One to Two is smaller, Two to Three even smaller. The reverse journey is long. Seems almost infinite.
I see this and feel this every day dealing with my teens. I want to believe what they say. I actually do believe them most of the time. They probably don’t deserve it. Sometimes, though, their actions don’t even allow my momma glasses to to work any more. I am forced to consider that my precious children lie. To me.
I work very hard to make punishments match the crime. If their lie/behaviour puts them in danger, I come down hard. If not, I try to be more lenient. Fair, but more lenient. Fair is a funny word. My son told me today that I am not fair. He said that I parent my daughter differently. He is absolutely correct. Each of my children have different Achilles’ Heels. So, the punishments have to be different. Consistently applied, but very different. I don’t know if I’m doing this right, I just do what I feel is right for me, for them, and for the crime.
This is my prayer every day…to be a better parent, to keep them talking to me, even when they are as angry as I am. To know that I love them every minute of every day, even when I want to strangle them and yell at them and lock them in their room. That I love them with every fiber in my body. That I can’t remember how it felt not to be their Momma. So , when (not if )they make a decision that brings my trust in them down a notch or two, we’ll just keep on keeping on. It would be such an easier job if I had that trust that I had in them before they started making stupid choices. Alas, that isn’t the case. So, I ask questions, multiple different ways, and keep telling them I love them. Even while I read their text, creep on the FaceBook, and eavesdrop on their conversations in carpool.. Hey, it’s my job, and they earned it!