This weekend, my son was complaining that he hadn’t eaten much on Saturday. Interestingly, I had invited to take him out to eat with his sister. He was far too busy having fun with his friends to join us for lunch. When we came home, nicely full after a pleasant lunch, he was hungry. The next day, he just about came running when I offered the next meal!
I remember all too well the need to spend time with my family less as a teenager. Now I feel twinges of regret at how my sweet parents must have felt when I never seemed to have time for them. I know they were glad I was happy and having fun, just as I am for my son. When my children were small, it was exhausting but simple to provide care and nurturing for them. I was blessed beyond measure with the gift of being a stay at home mom until they started school. They barely had to think of what they needed and I had begun to fill the need. Now that they are away from me, I miss that kind of intimacy. My people say that I am nosy because I ask endless questions about their daily lives. I just want to be part of it. I can still provide for their needs, but need and want to be asked. I want them to spend some time with me sharing some of their thoughts.
As I was sitting on my porch reading my devotion recently, I felt just a glimmer of clarity. I wonder if my Heavenly Father was missing me like my earthly parents while I was distracted? I wonder if he was waiting on me to call on Him just to hang out and share my life with him? Was He waiting to provide what I needed while I stubbornly pursued the path of my choosing? When I feel close to Him, I feel cared for and nurtured like my toddlers did all those years ago. When I get distracted with life’s details, I feel a hunger not so different from my teenagers’ empty stomachs. I’d like to say I’ve learned my lessons and walk closely with the Spirit each day. This isn’t true. What is true is that as I have gotten older, I have begun to recognize the hunger for what it is. I try to put the brakes on my feet as they begin to walk my path and turn them to the Lord’s path. I try to turn my head so that I can hear and see Him more clearly.